I may not be the biggest physical fitness nut out there, but there are two things I exercise – without fail – almost every day. The first is my wrist, as I whip out my credit card for the latest must-have item. (Luckily, I have a husband who understands how much money I am saving him – ha ha!).
The second is my delete finger.
Recently, Simon Grabowski (the tall, dark, handsome leader of GetResponse) forwarded an email to me which demonstrated everything you should NOT do when writing an email. This got me thinking … what you should NOT do – unless you want your marketing message to languish in the black hole of undeliverability and deleted messages across the globe!
So, here’s my top 10 ways to get your message undelivered or deleted.
- Offer to enlarge or enhance my penis. First of all, last time I checked, I didn’t have one. Secondly, I am more concerned about reducing my body parts, not enlarging them. Thanks for reminding me – delete!
- Write “Personal” in the subject line when it’s actually a personal email to your entire list of 400,000. Trick me once – shame on me. Trick me twice – delete!
- Use all Caps. C’mon….did you ever try to read anything in all caps? At least you saved me time because as soon as I see that I immediately – delete!
- End each sentence with at least 7 exclamation points!!!!!!! After extensive research (actually, I was cruising the Internet while watching Oprah), I have determined that the number of exclamation points used are inversely proportional to the substance of the email. Too many of them – delete!
- Whether you are the brother-in-law of your country’s dictator or the barrister of Mr. Magoo’s millions, please understand I cannot pay any fees or percentages into your bank account until I have received and deposited the funds in my Swiss Bank Account and left the country for a tax haven. In order to cement our trust, I will be pleased to provide my voice mail number, hotmail account, and P.O. Box. If this is not acceptable to immediately forward me a truck full of unmarked hundreds – delete!
- Don’t copy and paste affiliate promotions. Do you really expect me to believe that you – and 78 other marketers “twisted John Doe’s arm” into getting me a great deal? How about you fax me a copy of the emergency room admittance to fix Mr. Doe’s arm? Listen, if you can’t take the time to do your own impartial review, you won’t earn my respect nor my money – delete!
- Ask me to verify my bank account, social security number, ebay password, hip measurement or age. Don’t you think I know enough to see that the hyperlink to www.paypal.com is actually going to www.IloveToRipPeopleOff.com ? Don’t insult my intelligence – delete!
- Send me an obvious spam message with the note, “If you don’t want any more messages from us, please reply to this email.” Yeah…right – delete!
- Your email comes from “HookUp Tonight”, “CamGirrl”, “Drink Survey”, or “Leslie the Lesbian” (I am not making these up….they are in my spam folder as we speak!) – delete!
- You didn’t pass first grade spelling and think you’ll make it through my spam box because you write Viiaagra and 4ex. Or you put X@@*#Y, ~~~~~~~~~, and other cutsie characters in the subject line thinking I will be curious and open your spam. It’s just not gonna happen – delete!
As great marketers, we want to stand out from the crowd. But this is not the way to get yourself noticed!
Email Marketing Specialist